“I’m not one to talk about my personal life on social media, I love to be in control of what side of me that social media sees, especially as regards my intimate relationships….”. I looked at the lines and thought “oh well, it’s not bad for a starting line”, and then I sat back to ponder- “do I really tell the story or do I just lock the memory up in my mind’s vault?” I was going to pick the option of not spilling, and then it hit me, that someone out here could pick a thing or two from the thread. I looked at the time, and saw it was few minutes to clock-off, and if I started typing, I could be there till the next day, plus I didn’t want to miss the chance to get a free ride from a colleague, considering that I had made the awful mistake of deciding to keep my car at home and come to work by public transport.
I shut down the office computer, turned the air conditioner off, picked my phone, as that was the only thing that came with me to the office that day, and stepped out of the office, just in time to see Dammy leave her office with my bag.
“This one you’re looking at me and smiling, are you my copilot today?” She asked.
“So you’re trying to say I only smile at you when I want to borrow your passenger seat?” I asked
“Ermm, well, that and when you need me to hook you up with my friend” She added
“Shushhh! The walls have ears!” I said as I collected a bag from her.
“Other than not being a smiley, you’re a gentleman sha” She said. “Don’t you dare let that compliment get past your ears” a voice in my head said.
“Talking about hooking me up with your friends, why are you always so quick to hook me up with them?” I asked
“Because after several reviews I am confident that you will never take it beyond the talking stage, you always end up friend-zoning, sister zoning, padi zoning, and business zoning all of them. I stopped for a while, trying to process what I had just heard “Damn! Dude, she don give you a low down of your loveless life in few sentences.” The imaginary me in my head said to the real me.
“Wait! What?” I asked, still standing at the spot.
“You know where I’m parked, when you’re done processing, meet me there? If I don’t see you in 5 minutes, you gone find your way” She said, as she continued walking. The thought about having to wait with a mammoth crowd at the busstop, the struggle to get on any available danfo, the possibility of losing my phone and wallet, getting stuck in traffic, sandwiched between tight, sweaty, and smelly bodies was something I didn’t want to go through, so I hurried after her.
“But that’s not entirely true” I said.
“Oh okay, where is the lie? Let’s even start with you and I first, Wale you colleague-zoned me Bro” Dammy replied.
“Hold on, minus your own” I answered and rolled my eyes
“Okay Sir, watch your side first, can I pass there?” She asked, trying to maneuver a narrow bend and a parked truck.
“Yes, there’s space here, come a little to this side, oya straighten your hand, good! Just continue straight till you’re in the clear” I directed.
“See why I need you in my car, stop bringing your car to work dear” Dammy said
“I shall consider that option when chickens begin to speak human” I replied
“Go away! I’m offering free rides on a platter of gold, I mean how many buxom and beautiful ladies like me would be that nice?” She asked
“Madam, the way you’re stepping on that gas, my spirit is scared to die and has left me to go wait for me at home” I added.
“Shey you will come and drive dear?” She asked
“Hell No!” I said
“Then be my co-pilot in peace. It’s Friday, what’s the plan?” Dammy asked
“Well, part of the plan is our spending about 3 hours in traffic before we get home, you know the drill” I said, while connecting her aux cord to my phone.
“Instead of wasting 3 hours of our precious time burning fuel, let’s go to the movies instead, do dinner there, and head home after” She suggested
“Sounds like a plan” I said
”So have you done a mental exercise and can point out just one of my friends that succeeded in winning your heart?” Dammy asked
“Urgh! Are we still on this matter?” I asked
“You wanted to argue na, like I was exaggerating or something” She answered
“Okay, you win!” I said
“Cause all I do is win win win no matter what…” She sang.
“Oh please concentrate on driving” I said, and turned the volume of the music up
“Baby shey you dey for me, as I dey for you…” She sang along
“So which friend are you introducing me to?” I asked jokingly
“Wale, you are close friends with all my friends, sisters and even cousins, have I not tried?” She said. The being in my head popped up “wow, so you’ve had access to a lot of women, and you couldn’t even be scum to just one? You’re scum Bro” I ignored the being.
“Wow” was all I could say, and two beings began talking in my head “Go through your contact lists and pick the closest one, and then begin freaky tex….”- one was saying, “Resist the devil and she shall flee from you” another voice said. “Hollup! Wait a freaking moment! how you gonn’ refer to me as a she and the devil?”. I shut the voices out of my head.
“Even you are surprised, yeah? That’s why I said what I said at the office” She added, as we pulled into the mall’s parking lot and parked.
“Oh well, times are hard, man needs to be careful” I said as I stepped out
“Oga leave story and get a girlfriend abeg” Dammy replied.
“You nko?” I asked
“I’m patiently waiting for you to play around, then finally come back to me your real love- I’m in my hoe phase right now” She said excitedly.
“How you say these things without flinching, is beyond me” I added “Dude! keep quiet and read between the lines” one voice in my head said, “I’ll agree with the devil on this one” the other voice said “Thank you, but if you call me the devil again, by God, I’ll kick you out of this mindspace” the first voice said.
“What, my hoe phase? I got needs bro, and you have declined to come to Mama- for now. I believe you’ll come to your senses soon, and my warm bosom would be waiting to receive you baby” She said with a smile and a wink.
“Hoe Phase my ass” I muttered.
“I heard that dear, I don’t know why you don’t want to believe I’m in that phase, if you don’t believe, let me arrange a threesome for you, me and a third person” She said.
“FFM?” I asked
“What’s that?” She asked
“Something I learned from my days as a po-porn addict” I answered. “Well, you’re about to go back to being that addict if you don’t get laid soon” the voice in my head said “do not pay attention to the devil” another voice in my head said, “Just call me the devil one more time and I’ll go ham on you” the first voice said, still I ignored both of them.
“Hehehe your porn phase days. Boda Wale the porn hoe” She teased
“What movie are we seeing?” I asked, wanting to change the topic.
At this point, I think you need to get a little insight into the type of relationship Dammy and I had. Our friendship began when we sat beside each other on a long haul flight to the states; I was visiting the US the first time, and Dammy was visiting the umpteenth time, coincidentally, she was staying few blocks away from my cousin’s where I was supposed to stay for the holiday. Truth be told, she made the flight interesting ‘cause unlike me she was never out of a subject matter to discuss, and surprisingly I found myself connecting immediately. “I’m waiting for the part where you’ll write about how you found her so attractive that you stole a kiss”-the devil in my head is telling me at this point “the devil in your head? Why can’t I be referred to as an angel or an entity other than the devil?”- the voice in my head, “that’s cause I am the angel and you’re the devil” the second voice in my head replied. Okay! About that stolen kiss, we had already talked about a lot of things, and our discuss began to tow the path of relationships. One thing led to another and a kiss happened-the end of that episode “we both know it didn’t really go down that way Bro” the voice in my head is saying, but you really do not need to know the details anyway. “don’t mess the story up man” the voice is saying again. Sometimes I wonder whether I am the boss of me or whether the voice in my head is the main man. So, at some point while Dammy was telling me about her love for romance and the little things that matter, she locked her hands with mine and rested her head on my shoulder, the fragrance from her hair or body caused a catalytic reaction in my body that sent my hormones into frenzy, and somehow she could sense my tension, because she asked if anything was the matter, and in an abnormal squeaky voice I asked if I could kiss her. Her reaction at that moment felt like I had just taken our new found friendship to a shiny guillotine, because without saying a word, she stood up and left her seat to walk down the aircraft’s aisle to the back “Your face when you asked for a kiss, and your face when she stood up without a word are mutually exclusive expressions that are priceless”- the voice in my head is saying. Anyway, she got back and it felt like she applied more of the fragrance she sat down and looked at me with a frown on her face, and so I began to apologize, but rather than acknowledge my apologies she rolled her eyes and hissed. There and then, I accepted my fate of condemnation and slouched back in my seat, blaming the voice in my head for pushing me to say what I was not supposed to say “Hey! Hey!! Hold it there! You keep blaming innocent me, the voice in your head for the terrible decisions you make”. Few seconds later, Dammy looked at me and began to laugh, and in all honesty, I had never been more confused in my life. Without warning, she held my face and dropped a kiss- boom! And thus began our journey into a blissful friendship.
We got so close that it looked like we were an item, it’s safe to say that we became besties, and just when we thought we should take our friendship to the next level, she got a job at the same place where I was working (I told her about the opening), and we agreed to the fact that getting into a relationship could affect our professional lives, considering that we were working at the same company whose policies were against office romance. There you have it, a summary of how we got so close. “So you’re really going to leave out the parts where y’all got freaky in bed, on the floor, in the bathroom, the car, the kitchen, on the sofa in the living room? Really?”- I think at this point, the voice in my head should just go and write his book, and leave me to face mine. Thank you! Now, moving on!!! Anyway, Dammy and I had a thing going on, let’s just say we were like boyfriend and girlfriend without the boyfriend/girlfriend tag. When I told her about an opening where I worked, she got the job after applying, and we both knew we couldn’t be in a serious relationship and work at the same place, so we dealt with it like two sensible adults.
“I hear Gemini Man and Angel has Fallen are interesting movies” Dammy answered
“Wait a minute, why are you with the big bag? You could have left it in the car though” I said
“Wale Snow! You know nothing. Watch and learn! You, why are you even with a pullover?” She said. I looked at her and shook my head at the thought that women just loved carrying extra load.
While I went to get the movie tickets, Dammy said she needed to use the restroom. After buying the tickets, I went downstairs to the superstore to get some gummies and chocolates which I intended to smuggle into the cinema. After paying for my contraband, I walked back to the car to strategize the smuggling, first, I put the packets of gummies on my shirt sleeves and rolled them up neatly, then I put the chocolates in the pockets of the pullover, zipped the pockets, and wrapped the pullover’s sleeves around my neck. When I was satisfied that I would pass the bouncers without fail, I went back inside with a rolled naira note in my hand, and found Dammy looking for me,
“Where did you run off to, are you cold? This one that you tied the pullover on your neck” Dammy asked.
“Dammy Snow! You know nothing, let’s go inside” I said.
Dammy was all smiles at the bouncer, and without hesitation, she made to open her bag for the bouncer to look into.
“Madam, nothing do you, anything for the boys?” The bouncer asked, waving Dammy in without looking into the bag.
“My boyfriend go settle you” Dammy answered with a smile and nodded at me
“Chairman! You carry eye go better market ooo, na man you be!” The bouncer replied, I smiled and offered a handshake- an executive rolled naira note handshake.
“I am now your boyfriend…and I didn’t get the memo” I said teasingly
“Last last, you are my boyfriend, so Bros when you’re ready, join me in the relationship and let’s sail” She said and bounded up the theatre stairs to the last roll.
We were watching Gemini Man, and it was making interesting sense until the bike chase scene, so in order not to feel totally disappointed, I decided to unlock my contraband.
“Smooth!” Dammy said with a smile, as she watched me roll out the gummies and chocolates.
“Glad you’re learning from the master” I said.
“Oh really? Then you really need to see this” Dammy answered
“See what?” I asked, and right there before my eyes, Dammy gave us a full meal from her bag, complete with juice, wine and water.
“So you were saying?” Dammy said.
“I am loyal to your government, your royal highness, chief smuggler of the federation” I said.
“Can you guys tone it down a bit” Someone said beside us, while I apologized.
“Wale you don’t know how to use your bedroom voice” Dammy mocked.
And so it was that we had our dinner right there in the theater, and even had desserts to go after. At some point, Dammy had to ask someone the title of the movie, because we weren’t really paying attention.
After the movie, we thought it best to still hang around a while longer, since Google maps showed the traffic situation, and it didn’t look good at all.
“Come let’s go and chill at Rhapsody” Dammy suggested
“After you Lady D” I said
We moved to Rhapsody and just at the entrance, we saw a popular Twitter female influencer who was also friends with Dammy
“Na wa ooo see this influenza, see your skin, see your glow ahnahn” Dammy said to the lady
“Oh my God! Dammmyyyyyy!” She shouted excitedly and hugged Dammy. I just stood there awestruck at how beautiful, thick and shapely the lady was.
“Please don’t come and be razz here” said Dammy
“Wow! Dammy, it’s not fair oo, you just abandoned me like that, a whole friend like me” the lady said.
“Your level changed na, and after a couple of unanswered messages on WhatsApp and Twitter DM, I decided to face my front.” Dammy said.
“Is he with you?” She asked Dammy, while looking in my direction and smiling.
“Oh yes! Meet my single ass dear colleague and friend, Wale. Wale, meet one of your favorite thick Aunty WCWs” Dammy introduced us.
“Hi Wale, you’re super cute” She said.
“Thank you. You’re also much prettier than your pretty pictures though” I said with a smile, as I offered a handshake which she took, and didn’t want to let my hand go.
“Ahem! Okay! Okay!! That’s enough now” Dammy said, and we laughed.
After about 2 hours, we decided it was time to head home, and as predicted, the traffic was no more,
“So, tell me, who is the right one?” Dammy asked.
“That question is deep and broad” I answered
“Bros, take your time to answer” Dammy said
“I am not your Bros. I would love to see you naked” I replied
“Oya, let’s go to my place then, my treat” Dammy added
“Why would I want to be at your place on a Friday night?” I asked
“But you just said you would love to see me naked, and I’m in the mood to be your genie tonight” She answered
“Dammy!!!” I called
“I love how you say my name longingly” Dammy teased.
“Aunty ko le werk, you will not tease me today” I said
“I am not your Aunty Dear, I’d love to straddle you again and again” Dammy responded
“Too much info!” I said exasperatedly
“You know, you hide your feelings and emotions a lot, you should let them breathe. Stop acting like I don’t know you and know how freaky you are behind closed doors, at least not to me” Dammy said, and I could tell she was serious this time.
“Damolala, shey you know I love you?” I said, trying to deescalate the situation
“I don’t know, and I’m not even asking you to. It’s just that when I say some things, I expect you of all people to match the vibe, because we both know each other more than anyone else, but then you make it seem like I’m the rotten one, and you’re the saint” She added
“Haaaaa! Dammy, it’s not so na” I said
“I don’t know, that’s just the way I see it” Dammy said.
“Wow!” was all I could say.
The rest of the drive home was in silence, because I really had no idea what to say about the whole thing. She dropped me off at my place and went on without a goodnight greeting or acknowledging mine. I stood there and watched her drive off, wondering why she had switched up suddenly. I got into the house and thought I should call her to make her feel good, but a DM from the thick Aunty we saw earlier distracted me, and without taking my clothes and shoes off, I sat down with my phone and we began chatting. In no time I had forgotten about Dammy and was enjoying every bit of the chat with this new thick Aunty that had found me interesting. We connected so well that we arranged to meet up the next day, and when I suggested different hangout spots, she objected, saying she would prefer to come to my place. I threw my ability to reason out the window and danced for joy that a popular female Twitter celeb was offering to come spend some time with me in my house. I started thinking about ways to make it worth her while, “I would need to cook, get some drinks, do barbecue, and renew my Netflix subscription” I made plans in my head. I buzzed Dammy because I wanted to apologize and also tell her about the latest development, but she was not responding to my calls and chats.
The next day came so fast, and while I was running around making preparations, for some strange reason, I was nervous about the whole thing, so much so that I picked my phone to call her to cancel the whole thing, but the male ego in me would not have it. At mid day, she called for directions, and I could barely contain my excitement and nervousness as I added finishing touches to the preparations. In no time she arrived, but she didn’t come alone, she came with three other ladies “Well, times are hard, she had to come with security and backup” I thought and shrugged at the new development.
“Hey! Hope locating this place was not difficult?” I asked.
“Oh no, I know someone that lives around here, but I can’t remember who it is” She answered. I was going to suggest that the person could be Dammy, but thought better about it.
“Oh alright. Hi” I said to her bodyguards
“Yeah, so sorry, I didn’t inform you beforehand that I was coming with my friends, it was a last minute thing” She said, and introduced them to me. It turned out her friends were the faces behind some popular Twitter accounts.
“It’s cool, so there’s food and Netflix if you’re interested” I said with a smile, ushering them into my apartment.
“I hope he has AC sha” The ugliest one muttered to another, I pretended like I didn’t hear.
“Sorry, are you Igbo or Yoruba?” Another not-good-looking friend asked
“Igbo, why?” I asked.
“You look Edo” the third witch said, and I almost choked on my saliva at the grammar bomb she released.
“Aunties, please be nice to our host” My thick crush said.
“Omo Ibo l’eleyi, bobo na hans sha, wo bi oju e se fresh” One of them said. I was going to reply because I understand Yoruba, but decided to play dumb instead.
“What did she say?” I asked the only person there I had a business with.
“Ignore her, she says you’re handsome and fresh” She responded
“Oh! Thank you” I said with a smirk
Things did not really go according to plan, in fact I did not envisage any part of what was happening. I played the part of a hospitable host, and I kept telling them to feel at home. The three witches downed several bottles of spirits and wine, and soon began to feel more than being at home.
“Hope you’re not one of those that meet people and then go back to sew thread talking about I saw your WCW bullshit” One of the witches asked, obviously high on liquor.
“Haba, he’s not, be nice!” my thick visitor defended.
“Thank you” I said.
“Can we go outside, or take a stroll? I’m tired of these ones” She whispered to me. I went into my bedroom to wear something, and also ensure my valuables were extra secure. I stepped out of the room and locked it, because I didn’t trust the witches. Ordinarily, I would have objected to going out and leaving total strangers in the house, but my crush was the one making the request, who was I to refuse.
“We’ll be right back in an hour or two” She said to the three witches
“Where una dey go?” One witch asked
“Somewhere” She answered
“You people want to go and get freaky and leave us here abi. God when?” Another witch asked
“We are just going for a stroll. Please” My thick crush answered
We didn’t leave the compound, we just sat in the garden and talked “finally, some alone time with my crush” I thought.
“Please, hold on, let me get some drinks and barbecue from inside” I said.
“Alright dear” She said with a smile that had me frozen for a while.
“Damn!” I said.
“What?” She asked
“You’re so pretty, your lips are cute!” I answered
“Wanna kiss ‘em?” She asked with a smirk
“If you’ll let me, I could just….” I had barely finished saying whatever nonsense I was about to say when she pulled me down and we kissed. All the minions in my head jubilated at the milestone I had just achieved. She stood up, and still in each other’s arms, we kissed some more.
“Okay, let’s stop here before we get out of control” She said with a giggle. I didn’t mind getting out of control with her out there, but I remembered I was not raised to be a Marlian, but a cultured gentleman, so I obliged and went inside to get the drinks.
I opened the door to my apartment, and the sight that greeted me was one I had never imagined I would ever see. Right there, the three witches were doing some scissoring and mouthing girl on girl action. I shut the door quietly and looked to see that it was actually my apartment. They were so high and into each other that they did not notice I was there, I even took my phone to get some of the action recorded. When I had seen enough, I ran back to my thick crush in the garden.
“Something’s happening with the ladies inside” I announced.
“What’s that?” She asked.
“I don’t know how to explain it, I think you need to see it for yourself” I said, still trying to come to terms with the fact that I had seen something unusual.
I opened the door and this time, they had switched positions, styles and were using toys. I had never been more speechless in my entire life.
“Oh! Wow! I knew their coming with me was a bad idea, I told them they would act up” my crush explained.
“You knew they would do this?” I asked.
“yeah, I suspected so. I’m sorry, it’s just something we do to help each other out when we get so horny and there’s no man around to help, almost every lady is bi, ask around” She explained, and while I was having mixed emotions inside, I just smiled.
“Oh okay, I understand” I didn’t understand.
She called her friends to order, and ordered an Uber to come take them home. I thought she would go with her friends, but was surprised when I saw only three of them leave.
“You’re staying back?” I asked
“Yeah, I can’t allow them steal my bonding pleasure” She answered.
We talked more, hours passed, and soon it was night- almost midnight.
“Are you sleeping over?” I asked
“What better way to end the day than spend the night with the best and coolest host ever” She said. Dammy came to my mind that moment, and I realized I hadn’t spoken to her all day. For some strange reason, I felt very guilty, like I was cheating on Dammy. I waved the thought aside, and told myself I was going to use the lady to prove to Dammy that I still had game.
“Wow! Cool!” I said.
“Where’s your bathroom? Let me freshen up” She said. I took her to the bathroom, and wondered what my night would be like. Again Dammy came to mind, but I pushed the thought away.
I went into the bedroom, I heard the bathroom door open, close and get locked, so I stepped out of the bedroom to meet her, but found no one. Apparently she was still in the bathroom, and I could tell she was on the phone. I would have minded my business, but I overheard the conversation.
“I don’t think we can use this one ooo, he’s cool and I think I like him……no…..no….let me nack him tonight first, it’ll determine whether we should use him or look for another unfortunate guy…okay…bye” She said over the phone. I tiptoed away into the living room, trying to process what I had just heard. I began to think of an escape plan, and at that moment, Dammy was the only person I could contact. I sent her a text.
“I know I’ve been a jerk, it took me getting into this trouble to realize I’ve been foolish, I hope you forgive me and allow me make it up to you. I need that our usual emergency evasive maneuver calls, right after I send you a period sign text.” I sent it to Dammy and hoped she would read it this time. She did! I put my wallet in my pocket, turned the TV on and pretended to watch a movie.
“I thought you would join me in the bathroom” my former crush said, all dressed but looking fresher
“To save water right? I know, I would have loved to, but I’m a gentleman, and consent is key” I said with a smile.
“What movie is that?” She asked
“6 Underground” I answered.
“Wow! Been wanting to watch it oo” She said.
“Well, be my guest!” I said. I picked my phone and sent the period sign, and then dropped the phone on the center table. I prayed deep down that Dammy would bail me out with a call. Thankfully the call came through, I picked it and put on speaker phone.
“Hello, Hello!” She said
“Dammy, what’s up, why’s your voice sounding like this?” I asked, putting my acting skills to good use.
“Something happened, and-and I need your help” Dammy said, sounding frantic.
“Calm down, what happened?” I asked
“Where are you now? We can’t waste time over the phone, time is going” She said.
“Ha! I’m at home” I replied
“Okay, I’m coming to pick you now, I’ll explain on the way” said Dammy.
“But I have a-” I looked at the lady who was making signs at me not to let Dammy know she was there.
“See there’s no time, I’m at the gate. Come now please!” Dammy said and hung up.
“Wow! It sounds serious, I’ll be on my way now, let me just do Taxify” my former crush said.
“I’m so so sorry” I apologized.
“No need to be, you’re like her hope, I don’t have anybody I can call in an emergency, that’s a great relationship you have there” She said, and that hit a note in me.
“Maybe we can fix this again” I said, and she smiled.
“I don’t want Dammy to see me, so you can leave, I’ll be in the compound till my Taxify comes” She said. I picked my phone, turned all lights and switches off, closed and locked the door, and couldn’t risk hugging the lady, as I hurried off into Dammy’s car.
“Drive Drive!” I said.
“Drive to?” Dammy asked
“Your house or that fine hotel” I answered.
“You know you’re not well sha, and I should just take you to 3rd mainland bridge and drop you off somewhere in the middle. You abandoned me! Wale ha!” Dammy said.
“I sent you messages and you didn’t reply” I answered.
“You should start explaining why I am out here at midnight, when I should be back home enjoying the comfort of my bed and teddy bears” said Dammy.
“Your friend, that thick Aunty, wanted to use me for ritual” I said.
“You’re kidding right, and trying to make light of the situation, yeah?” Dammy asked. So I explained every single detail to her.
“That’s it” I said
“Wow! Wow!! Now it all adds up” Dammy said.
“What’s adding up?” I asked.
“I’m not taking you to any hotel, I’m taking you to my house, I have gist for you” Dammy said.
We got to Dammy’s place, and as usual I felt at home, so at home that I walked around in only my boxers, as was my usual habit when I was at Dammy’s.
“You always think this is your place where you can dress and undress anyhow” Dammy said. I thought about the statement the lady had said about the relationship I had with Dammy, I thought about how Dammy had always been the one person that had always been there through thick and thin, I thought about how Dammy was the only one that knew me to the very depths of me, I thought about how I loved her but wasn’t sure I was ready to admit it.
“Hey babe” I said as I held her hand and drew her close to me
“Wow! Babe? From you? Did the lady hit you or blow powder into…” I didn’t wait for her to finish talking before I planted a kiss on her lips.
“Shush!” I said.
“Stop Wale!” She said and drew back. I was surprised.
“What’s wrong?” I asked
“You want to use me as rebound Wale, and it’s not fair” Dammy said. I knew she had a valid point, so I knelt down and held her hand.
“Dammy, I never stopped loving you, I friend-zoned all those people because I felt something for you and couldn’t break free. Yes I know this feels like a rebound, but you of all people know when I’m lying and telling the truth, and you also know I would never want to use you. I have been living in self-denial because I didn’t want us to have problems at work, you’ve been everything to me, you’re everything to me, you’re the only one who knows me, the only one who doesn’t give a hoot about my flaws, the only one who really drives me to do better and be better, the only one who is on hand to help when there’s an emergency, I can go on and on and on, the bottom line is you’re the bestest, and I love you for life, my ride or die!” I said, not knowing where all that I said came out from.
“Wow! Wow!!” Dammy said amidst tears.
“Hey! Come here” I said, and hugged her tightly. She felt so soft, so cuddly, I didn’t want to ever let her go again.
“So is this the part where I bring the ring to propose to you to be my boyfriend at least?” She asked, wiping her eyes and looking like a pretty shy cherub.
“So you can be shy like this?” I asked
“Go away, don’t mess this moment up” She said
“Your body is so soft!!!” I added.
“Okay! That’s enough! No more hugs, come and be going to your…” I kissed her before she completed the statement, and she let out a soft “hmmmm”
The rest of the night was the best I ever had. Your Twitter WCW sent me a touching message saying I was a great guy, but for personal reasons she had to block me, that it wasn’t about me but about her, and bla-bla-bla! Even her 3 witches blocked me too.
I showed Dammy the video of the 3 witches in ecstatic action, and told her how the Twitter lady had said it’s a normal thing among a lot of females and their female friends.
“You didn’t know?” Dammy asked
“Wait, you mean? You? Have you?” I asked
“Bobo, yes I have experimented time and time again and realized God indeed knew what he was doing when he paired man and woman together. Yes girls know how to touch better, but nothing beats some good phallus inna me coochie dear” Dammy answered.
“Oh-la-la!” I said.
The best relationship ever began between Dammy and myself, and I would like to think that the whole Twitter crush thing was a divine arrangement to get me to see I could have lost Dammy.